The Past and the Pending
by Amber Stray
Summary: The Past. “Time before the present and the events that happened then” The Pending. “Not yet dealt with, decided, or settled” Caught between the two I dream. I can't tell what's reality and what is fake.
1. Those Grey Faces

Disclamier: I don't own InuYahsa

_The Past. "Time before the present and the events that happened then" The Pending. "Not yet dealt with, decided, or settled" Caught between the two I dream. I can't tell what's reality and what is fake._

Chapter One: Those Grey Faces

"I heard a cry today. It broke the silence of the night like a siren. It kept going and going. My eyes were searching frantically for the creature of such a wail. It seemed like it was coming from all directions. It brought back…"

I pause.

"What did it bring Sesshomaru?" My therapist urges.

I look at me wrist.

"You know what, I'm going to be late."

I wonder if she noticed I'm not wearing a watch.

"Well, you can always come back later on today. I have no appointments and-,"

"Yeah, I'll see." I really didn't want to be here now. I get off the brown leather chair and grab my long khaki colored trench coat and walk out of Izumi's office. Through the wooden door I could hear her sigh and pretend I didn't.

* * *

I walk out of the building, the frosty morning winter air hits me like reality. Placing my hands into my pockets I head down the streets.

There were so many people in Tokyo; everyone seemed to be in their own worlds. Soft faces turned into cold mugs over time. It was like no one could trust anyone.

The thought of this realism made me laugh.

Those grey faces stop and look at me strangely. I stop. My face goes back to monotone serious as I turn the corner.

I finally reach my destination and sole purpose of my life, work. I'm a social worker, working for the CPS of Tokyo, Child Protection Services.

When I walk in I'm greeted by the receptionist, Iori.

"Good morning." She says dryly as she flips the page of a magazine, doesn't even spare me a glance.

To anyone who would happen to wonder in the CPS building would say Iori is the kind of person who is hard to talk to, gives short answers. One look from her reads 'I don't care.'

Insensitive.

Well to be honest, it's true. But Iori has a reason for working for CPS, we all do.

I nod my head in response and walk through the door leading to the conference room. I am bestowed by my bickering colleagues. If there was a reason why co-workers shouldn't date, it would be those two.

"I wanna have two! No wait, four! The more the merrier right!"

"Grr...How can we have kids! We're both guys!"

"It was just wishful thinking!" Jakotsu cries dramatically, barring his face in his hands.

"Aww, Jakotsu I was just kidding. We can have kids…hell, we'll have seven!" Bankostu pleaded with Jakotsu's PMS.

"No we can't," Jakotsu pouts. He was such a child sometimes.

"Ahem," I interrupt, trying to pull Bankostu out of an even deeper hole.

"Oh, good morning Sessh!" Jakotsu says to me happily. It was like he forgot how mad he was.

He continues, "Me and Bankostu here were just talking about our future."

"I see," I reply shortly

Bankostu just sits there during our exchange with his hand resting under his chin as he balances his elbows on the table. He was use to Jakotsu's "interesting" ways.

The far door opens and in comes our boss of Unit 23, Ichitaka. He's a tall man with long black hair and stern green eyes.

"Good morning gentlemen." He's carrying a file tucked under his arm.

"Hey," Jakotsu replies.

"Morning," Bankostu says tiredly.

I just give him an acknowledging look.

He sits down, as do I. Ichitaka slides the manila folder across the table. We all stare at it.

"Well?" He says "Who's gonna take this one?"

"Sorry," Bankostu starts, raising his hands "I already have the one with the abusive boyfriend and disturbed child."

"Yeah, and I have the 'Brady Bunch' with the crazy mother and fathers who's never home," Jakotsu states.

All eyes are on me.

I slide the new case file over and skim the contents.

_Young mother_

_Neighbors have concerns about child_

"It was handed over to us from our cronies at the police station." Ichitaka says, "They said it was our jurisdiction."

"Yeah this was fun and all," Bankostu says as he gets up "but I have to get back to work."

"I need coffee." Jakotsu yawns, following him out the door.

"When do I see to this?" I ask.

"Tomorrow, I'll have your investigation papers ready by then." Ichitaka says.

"Understood." I say, and walk out the door.

* * *

I'm on my way home when my mind feels clouded. I feel some what, off. Like the feeling I got when I was eight, after being rude to the girl I liked. The world seemed to spin around me, hearing became hard. I start to run.

Winter rain begins to pour. The streets around me seem like a blur, a mixture of patchy scenes covered in tears. I start to run harder. I'm out of breath and soaked but still continue to run, as if every step I take may be my last. I don't know were I'm going but I still manage to continue.

I find myself out of breath in front of Izumi's office. I open to door to see her packing her stuff, ready to go home. She stops putting papers in her brief case when she lays eyes on me.

"Oh Sesshomaru, what can I do for you?"

I take off my jacket and seat myself down on the brown leather chair. She sits down too in her chair behind her desk.

"Memories." I say.

She looks at me confused, "Excuse me?"

"This morning, when I was telling you about the cry in the night, it brought back memories."

Izumi folds her hands and leans forward, "What were those memories?"

"They were of my past."

She is listening intently now.

I continue, "Back then, I couldn't help her. Back then, all I could do was listen to her cry."

Izumi leans pack into her chair, her red painted lips curve into a smile "Well _now_ I think we're getting somewhere."

* * *

My mind is lucid as I walk home. And began to notice once more how many people were in Tokyo. Those once supple faces that turned into cold mugs over time, the countenances that seemed like they could trust no one.

I can feel my eyes fill with amusement and a smile grace my face.

To my surprise I start to laugh again. It's an uncontrollable laughter that just erupts from my throat. I soon find myself wiping tears from my eyes. It was a hilarity that you don't mean to do, but can't help it.

Those same grey faces stop and look at me strangely. I pause briefly and stare back, trying to gain control of my spontaneity actions. But in the end, I just proceed to laugh some more.

* * *

Kagura's P.O.V.

I walk down the street and I try to forget the fact that I just got fired from my job. Grocery Stores are evil organizations anyway. But I know I need to find another job and fast. I need the money, but not for myself, for him.

As I continue to walk aimlessly down the street I start to think. Gloomy, dark, murky, sad...whatever you want to call it, I see it everyday. These simple adjectives are used to describe people who can't get out of a routine day. They're the faces of the beings that are always reaching but are never close. The ones that are struggling not just for themselves, but another life. The grey faces. The melancholy grey faces.

I also think of the other kind a face. The faces of beings that can look at the grey faces and laugh. They're faces that do not laugh out of spite, but the faces that laugh because the know something the other doesn't realize. And when I find out what that certain realization is, I have a feeling I'm gonna laugh too.

My voice feels scratchy. Well I guess that's what you get when you have no one to talk to. I'm not some loner or anything, but all my old friends...and my family...well let's just say their not here right now. You know I really love this choice of freedom, with my career and all. Two months ago I was a sales associate and as of about 15 minutes ago I use to work at a grocery store. Then again, I got fired from both. Am really that worthless?

* * *

"So, why do you think _we _should hire _you_?"

"Well...I'm a good worker. And I promise to be committed to this."

"Committed eh? Well Ms.Kaze, there's a lot of people who are committed. What makes you so special? Hmm...Let's take a look at your resume. 'Several previous job experiences' Says here you're 'good with people' Like I haven't heard that one. But all and all, this is very impressive."

"Thank you sir"

"But you know what's strange?"

"Umm...no"

He threw another paper on the desk that looked to be another resume. It had a picture of a young girl's face on it.

"Miaka Netsuke here from Osaka is about the same age as you. And you know what else?"

"No."

"She's looking for the same job."

"..."

"What I'm trying to get at Ms.Kaze, is that there are 100s of other girls out there, just like you, who want this waitress job. And what I want to know is why I should give _you_ the job, instead of Miaka Netsuke from Osaka?"

That one left me speechless. But I can't give up now. Like I said before, I _need _this job.

* * *

My boots feel a little lighter. Now that my job problem is fixed, I can now move on the bigger question: _How am I gonna live?_

I sound like such a worrier huh? The sad kid who fucked up and is now blaming every one else. No, that's not me. I got myself into this life and I have no one to blame but me. I learned the hard way of how the word works.

It's tough to go places with everyone whispering behind you back. And when you turn around toward them, they smile like they've done nothing wrong. That's one of the main reasons I moved to Tokyo. To get out and try my best to forget my old life. But it's kind of hard when that old life is the basis of me living this difficult one.

But when I think about home I think about how much I liked being judged. Every comment I heard brought me one step closer to finding out who I am.

So, I'm glad I'm here. I am.

It's raining now. A cold rain that pours down from the sky. It's not like the usual gentle crying, but a pounding that demands to be heard. Sometimes I wish I could be like that. Its makes we wonder where I could be right now. But wondering never gets you anywhere. This isn't some fairy tale story where my prince charming will come and my life will be filled with easiness and pleasure. This is real. I don't have any support or any friends. I have to work hard and struggle in this silent pain.

I walk down the street and decide not to put my rain coat on. I guess it's my way of trying to break out from the rest. I'm soaked and cold. The people around me look at me strangely. But it's like looking in a mirror. A grey mirror.

And I look at my freezing wet form and I call my self a liar. Because I _don't_ want to be here. I want to go home.

_ Tbc..._


	2. Young Mother

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

_Have you ever went to sleep and wished you never woke up? I have. I don't know, maybe I'm weak. Maybe I'm selfish. Bills, money, food, it's all so much. But when I close my eyes tonight, I promise to open them once more. I won't leave you, no matter what. _

Chapter 2: Young Mother

"_Sesshy, where are we going?"_

"_Someplace better"_

"_But why so late? I'm tired"_

"_Because this is the best time, now keep up." _

"_It's cold out here. Hey Sesshy, why is all my stiff in your car?"_

"_I told you, we're getting out of here."_

"_But what about da-"_

"_You don't have to worry about that anymore."_

"_But I'm scared."_

"_Hush Rin, big brother will protect ou. No matter what-" _

"_You'll always be there. I know." _

* * *

I've been at my desk for awhile now. Bankostu and Jakotsu's morning comedy session just ended. And not flippantly I might add. It concluded with Jakotsu running out of the building is soap opera tears and Bankostu running after him screaming "It was just a joke!" over and over again. So now I have nothing to amuse myself with. 

I received a letter from the child of case #225 thanking me and saying he was very pleased with his new adoptive family. It read:

_Dear Sesshomaru and all the people who helped me at the CPS building,_

_I'm really happy with my new family. We have a puppy named Yatsi and I laugh every time he makes an accident in the house, Inuyasha always yells "YATSI!" and it sounds just like the game. Inuyasha is the name of my new father. He's more like a big kid, or that's what my new mommy says. Her name is Kagome and she is very beautiful. She's really nice too and gives me a lot of love. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am and guess what? I start 3rd grade next week!_

_Love,_

_Shippo_

It's poignant really. This is Shippo's fifth home. His father died in a car accident and his mother is unknown. He had no known relatives and no one willing to take him in. While looking for a new family, he stayed with me, were I took care of him. This all happened when he was 4-years-old. He's 8 now, but it seemed like he always found his way back to me. It must be difficult, to be the only case that had to be reopened again and again.

Shippo-

"Sesshomaru," It's Ichitaka "Alright, I got the paper work, this case officially opens today. Get on it"

"Naturally."

I grab my coat and keys and head out the door.

* * *

I glace at the address of the house as I cruise down the street. I quickly notice this isn't the nicest neighborhood. 

I park out in front of these brown apartments. They're old and dirty, weather and time didn't spare them any mercy.

Various people of the streets loom around in the area. Dark shadows whose faces hold wisdom and experience, as well as bitterness. It makes me wonder what I got myself in to.

I head up the stairs and put my poker face on. After a long flight I stop at the first floor. Apartment doors, people's homes, lye across from each other in a long row of depression. 303, 305, 307, there it is, 309.

I lift my hand to knock and I stop and inspect the door. Some of its paint has been chipped and you could see the once soft brown wood that's been reduced to a dingy brown. I knock. And I wait.

No response.

I knock again. I can here some shuffling on the inside. Whoever's there is in no hurry to answer. I knock once more. But this time it's not a request, but a needy demand. Shuffling toward the door and then I can hear the door knob rattle as it's twisted. It opens.

And I let out a sigh. I thought I was going to be working with an eight-year-old. But this girl seems to be a rebellious fifteen-year-old. There's a scowl on her young face and she glares at me with these striking red eyes.

* * *

Kagura's POV

Not _now. _Just go away, I just got him to sleep. But whoever it is, they're persistent. I give up and head toward the door. Various items that had been carelessly tossed in my home make it hard for me to reach the door. I'd clean it up, but I never found the time.

I open the door with a glare so this visitor will know that they just interrupted something. I don't know him. He has long white hair and exotic gold eyes. He looks at me with this poker face. I have no time for this.

"Who are you?"

"Good morning. I'm Sesshomaru Tashio of Child Protection Services. We received a call to come to this residence."

Oh god, what do they want? I inertly start to panic.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV

The first thing I do is unknowingly expect this girl for any bruises and other signs of abuse. Its one of the first things we're trained to do. And after a few years, it becomes a natural thing. A reflex.

I introduce myself to her. And I can see her eyes get slightly wide, fear. Alright, now I can narrow this girl's case to abuse. Fear is often a natural reaction.

"May I come in? I have a few questions."

As if she's not certain, she says, "...Sure."

I bombard her with the standard speech. What the CPS do, our goal, we're here to help and other hallmark sentences.

Then I get on to the questions. What's your name? Do you live with both your parents? Would you say you're happy? For discipline, what do your parents do? Are you an only child? Were do you go to school? What grade are you in? And then I would write down these answers, which determine what action I take next. And I would take action, if she answered any of my questions.

We're sitting on an old couch. A coffee table in front of us. She's staring dumbfound at it. I notice this apartment has seen better days.

"I understand this might be hard for you, but in order for me to do my job, you have to start speaking."

"Kagura."

"Kagura?"

"Yeah, my name is Kagura."

Getting _somewhere._

"Kagura. Well I thank you for cooperating. I'm here to-"

What's this? Out of nowhere crying floods the room. Kagura jumps up and runs into the only room in the apartment. I get up and follow.

I'm surprised for the first time today. This room looks nothing like the rest of the house. It's painted a soft blue and has sheep gliding over moons on the borders. Toys everywhere. A typical baby's room.

She's cradles the said infant, rocking as she utters soft incomprehensible words. And it all makes sense to me, this is no child. She's a young mother.

"This is your...child?"

She turns toward me, once again she adorns her face with a scowl, "Yeah, what of it?"

"I was under the impression that _you_ were the kid."

"I'm 19 and only getting older."

"Your still just a baby yourself, how have you managed?"

"Well I have, so it doesn't matter. We have a good life so don't bother."

I take a step toward her and the infant and reach out my hand towards it. "You think so?"

She backs up. "Stay back! I told you we're fine!"

I advance. "Is it a boy or girl?"

She recedes. "He's my baby boy and I'll be dammed if I let him get taken away!"

The infant in her arms begins to stir and whines his protest of the noise.

I move more forward with my outstretched hand. "What is his name? We're only here to help."

Her face turns malicious, "Bullshit. You want to help me? Well I'm helping myself. So you can just leave."

I'm very close to her now. She starts to cry. I extend my hand. She filches. I stroke the baby's downy jet black hair gently. So soft. He stops stirring.

And in a whisper, "What's his name?"

She looks up at me with tears in her terror filled eyes,

"Senji." So soft that I almost have to ask her to repeat it.

* * *

Kagura's POV

I clutch Senji tightly. No, I worked so hard, and I went through so much. I lost everything. The only thing I have left is what I am holding in my arms. No one will take him away. I'll run if I have to.

This man, no matter what I say, how tough I'm trying to be, he keeps coming. He's so close right now, my body freezes. I don't know what to expect.

He reaches a hand towards me. I recline. And he strokes my boy's hair. And Senji stops stirring. So tired he doesn't even open his eyes, but just stops stirring and continues his sleep as if I were never yelling.

He asks his name, and I tell him. He turns around and heads toward the door. I follow him and eye him at Senji's door as he is about to leave.

"I don't want to take him away, but we'll meet again."

"Bite me." I hiss.

And he gives me this unreadable look and walks out the door, closing it softly behind him.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV

I need to find out more about her.

She's not like other teenage mother's I encountered. Some would just jump at the chance to have their unwanted "mistake" taken off their hands. She's not like that. It seems she will do anything to keep her child. I can tell she tries.

But that's not how it works.

Anyone back at CPS will just see another unfit parent and have only one goal, take that child put it up for adoption.

I don't want to let that happen. And I also don't know how that can be. I just want to leave this girl and see if she can really raise this child, and it looks like alone. And at the same time I consider the infant. Part of me wants to forget...but Ichitaka just sent me a text. He's asking me to report.

* * *

Ichitaka is the first person I see upon entering the CPS building.

"So, what'd you find out?"

"To my understanding, there's a nineteen-year-old, she's not in the best living conditions. She has her own apartment."

"Alone?"

"No, her and her child."

"How old?"

"Just an infant."

"Are you going to take it away from her? Just form what you told me--------"

I don't hear a thing he says. From mid sentence I start to walk away. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't want to think about this now. My head hurts.

I head over to Izumi's.

* * *

Kagura's POV

He's gone, thank god. I don't want this to happen; I don't want this to start. Another problem, another thing to worry about. I know this thing with this man from the CPS will be yet another thing to mull over. Another reason it will become to why I loose sleep.

Something like this would happen sooner or later. It all sounded too good. I got another job; I could pay the baby-sitter as well as pay for Senji's other things. Pay the bills that come with renting an apartment. And things were, stable. Now the CPS wants to take that away. They try to act like their only motives are noble, but I know that in the end, I'll still be here, but this time, without my baby.

I look down at him, my little sleeping prince. There's a speck of water on his cheek, then another, and another. I wipe them off and quickly put him back in his crib before he wakes up. I realize that I'm crying. I'm not Kagura, who's 19 and barely scraping by with a baby. No, I'm Kagura, a little girl, who's just lost her parents in a crowed zoo. So helpless, so scared, she's all alone.

I walk out of Senji's room and close the door softly behind me. In the hall way I sink to the floor and I cry. My hands cover my face as I sob. My shoulders shake up and down. I don't want this. I should be in collage, damn it. It's not fair; I'm not bringing all this miss fortune on just myself. I hate him. I hate him. Senji's creation wasn't made on its own. But why am I the only one to deal with it?

Senji stars to cry. I must have been too loud. I rush into the room. And pick him up and rock him. He stops crying but he doesn't want sleep. He stares at me with his astonishing blue eyes. I take him in, he's so beautiful. At moments like this, I forget. And for once I' m sure, that loving him wasn't a mistake. When I look at him, into those crystal blue irises...

It's like I'm rewinding a video. Senji is pushed back inside me. The months turn from winter to spring. Snow is falling up and petals re- attach themselves to flowers. From orange the leaves on trees turn to a rich green. My stomach is getting flatter and flatter. Our parted hands are once again entwined and I smile.

I'm not gonna think about this morning. Whatever happens, it'll happen. And if I have too, I'll fight. But now, it's Senji's time for breakfast.

"You hungry? Come on babe, let's go grab something to eat."

And we head toward the kitchen.

_Tbc..._


	3. The Clock Keeps Ticking

Thank you very much (everyone) for all your sweet reviews! You guys are all beautiful. Sorry for the delay, school strated and I had to get 'settled' before I got back to my passion, sharing my writting with you guys! Thank you again, and without further hold up...

* * *

Dislclamier: I do not own InuYasha.

_It's rather cruel of you, ne? I'm not sure what's telling me or why, but I need to see you. I want to see you. And yet, you are there and I am here. Unknowingly your lack of presence slashes at my being and I grow wary. The doctor's say it's a death of fever and feed me medicine to suffice. But I know, that my only cure, is you. _

Chapter 3: The Clock Keeps Ticking

Sesshomaru's POV

Izumi seems taken back. "So you guys just left?"

"Wouldn't you do the same?" I counter. I'm relaxed right now. Lounging on one of Izumi's comfortable chairs.

"Well it just seems kind of risky. You were 17?"

"Yes."

"And she was 8."

"Correct."

"And how did she feel about this? Did _she _want to go?"

"She would follow me to the ends of the earth. Besides, I could never leave her in that hell."

"It makes sense. But what about him? What did he say?"

"We left at nightfall. But of course he eventually found us."

"And when he did...what happened?" She's expecting me to say something gruesome next, or bizarre.

"I apologize; did I mean to lead you on? He found my new _number._ Our number. And he called."

"What did he say?"

"He wanted us to come back. He wanted us to come home and try to start things anew. He wanted to see her."

"So did you go back?"

"Well I'm here aren't I?"

"What did you tell him?"

"I've never spoken with him. I would stare at the phone while he was calling, but I never answered it. I only heard the messages."

"If you could say something to him, if you would, what would it be?"

"I have nothing to say to him."

"It's been 6 years, will you ever forgive him?"

This one makes me laugh. Izumi's not to happy about that.

"He's your father."

I immediately stop.

"When I impede coming here, when Rin stops coming to me in the middle of the night, and when you can tell me why I get these pain quaking head aches, then yes Izumi, I think I'll be able to forgive him. It'll be water under a bridge right?"

"Sesshomaru, that's not what I met-"

"I have to leave now. I'm going to be late for work."

She apologizes as I close the door. It's not her fault. It's just that when forgiveness is mentioned, I guess you could say I get a bit, tense.

* * *

Kagura's POV

In front of the mirror I pull my hair back into a high loose bun. Smooth the green apron over my khaki pants. And I feel ready. It my first day of work as a waitress at Suboshi Amboshi Borough.A new restaurant that's slowly gaining it's popularity.

I come out of the bathroom and meet Karu in the living room. She's Senji's babysitter. She's such a coy, petite, fragile, innocent woman. The kinds you just want to call girls. An ideal woman to look after kids. Karu has short brown hair that's full of volume and equally big, brown, oblivious to any danger, kind of eyes. She's older than me, probably in her early twenties, but you'd never guess.

"Kagura! You look so organized and bright! Good luck on your first day!" Her voice is very soft and pure. I don't know if this makes sense, but if words could shine as you talk, her's would be blinding.

"Thanks Karu. So do you have everything set here?"

"I believe I do."

What I stupid question for me to ask. Of course she does. She's been doing this for me since a little after I moved here when I had to start looking for a job.

"Alright," I say as I pick Senji up off his stomach in his play pen. He's only five months so it would be questionable to why I have a play pen, he can't even crawl. It's just that I don't like to put him on my own floor. It's too...too _dirty _for something so chaste. "I'm going to be gone for a few hours so you be a good boy for Karu." A plant a kiss on his nose and he responds by reaching out with both hands to grab my face.

"Oh he always is. Senji is the only baby I taken care of that barely cries." Karu says smiling.

I put Senji back in the pen, "Hey Karu, this may sound strange to you, but I need a favor."

"Yes Kagura, anything."

"If anyone comes here, don't answer the door, just let them knock. I don't care if it's the mail man."

"...Well sure, if you like."

"Thank you, it means a lot. I'll see you around 6:30."

"Bye now, have a good day!"

I grab my bag and head out of the house to the bus station. I didn't forget about that man, Sesshomaru. He said that we'll meet again, and I don't know how soon. So I'm taking precaution. I don't want Karu to worry if these CPS dogs come to my house again. I'll deal with this alone. I always do.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV

I'm heading over to Kagura's place. After checking in with everyone back at the CPS, it's my first priority.

There's so much I want to find out about her. She's an unread book. A page turner. Before I realize it, I'm bounding up the endless stairs to the first floor.

In front of 309 I knock, but no answer. But this time I don't hear any shuffling. I hear a still silence. It's an unnatural silence, like one's trying not to make noise.

I sigh. How childish I'm being. But it doesn't matter, I can pout all I want but it won't make her magically appear and answer the door. Of course, she's probably at work, it is a Monday. But where's Senji?... I won't press the matter now.

I'll return later on in the day.

* * *

"Come _on _Sesshomaru! Just this once!"

"I rather not."

Jakotsu is pulling on my arm in the middle of the sidewalk in front of CPS. The flocks of people walking by the many give us questioning stares as they pass us.

"You never take me anywhere!"

"I wasn't aware we were dating."

Where's Ichitaka? He can handle Jakotsu.

"Suboshi Amboshi's is a great place to eat. Let's go!"

"I'm busy."

"What?! You're only working on _one_ case and you said it yourself, no one was home, so let's go."

"No."

"Pleeese Sessho-kun!"

"...Jakotsu, you're making a scene." By this time, we managed to attract a small crowd.

And then waiting at the stop light, he spots us.

"Oy! Jakotsu! Are you trying to cheat on me again?!"

Jakotsu gets an exited glint in his eye like this is what he wanted all along. The light changes and Bankostu hurriedly walks across the street towards us. Then without warning, Jakotsu lets go of my hand and darts through the crowd of people away from Bankostu.

"Hey! Get back here you!" Bankostu shouts after him.

"Bahahaha!" You can hear Jakotsu voice ringing through the busy sidewalks but you couldn't spot him.

I stare dumb found at the two making their way off. Like two foxes in play. A crowd of people stare dumb found too at the pair. And then at me. I can't blame them.

That was so...embarrassing.

* * *

Kagura's POV

Wow, no matter how much I wonder, I can never exactly picture what situations would be like if there was more time.

Serving tables was nothing; you have to have a good memory though. You come across an interesting variety of people. I'm curious to know what kind of people I would have met if my shift was longer.

On my way out, two very attractive males walk in. One's excitingly clinging to another with a long braid down his back. If I could be here longer, would I serve their table? Would we find interest in each other and become friends?

I know, it sounds weird. But, besides my son, my basic form of entertainment is my mind. So I don't waste it and I think about all sorts of things and possibilities.

Like if I could prolong time. What would happen? Could you just imagine how many outcomes would change? Like before making a rash decision, what if you had time to think about it before you acted. Well then it wouldn't be rash, but things would have been much different huh?

Like when I lashed out at that CPS man, Sesshomaru. If I had more time to think instead of panicking and oozing out unchaste words, we probably could have concluded our talk with a smile and a wave good-bye.

But no. The clock just kept ticking. And the present became the past and I hate to regret things. If the clock would just pause for a second, I could just think.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV

I look at my wristwatch. Damn, almost seven.

If I could, if it was possible to exte- What am I saying? A foolish thought. Of course I can not do that.

It would be unheard of. To perform the impossible; to mess with the fabrication of time. It's a force in life that's absolute and unchangeable. Something we all cope with. Through despair _and _happiness. Doesn't matter what happens to you in your life, it just keeps going without care or remorse.

The needle like hands of my watch never stop and I can't make it go any slower.

I'll have to see her tomorrow because she'swaiting for me at school. She just got off from softball practice.

Rin's waiting at the school, time to pick her up.

But as I walk to my car, I can't help but look at my watch and wonder if I had more time. A childish thought, but it still doesn't stop me from whispering my optimism,

"_...Slow-down, slow-down." _

_Tbc..._


	4. Getting Somewhere

Hey everyone, AmberStray here. Sorry for the wait there, trust me I'm not lazy, but let's just say I have a very busy schedule. But trust me, I did not give up on this story. It's always on my mind and my joy is writing such a tale and I'm glad I could share it with all you guys. 'Nuff said. Chapter four ladies and gentlemen.

Enjoy

_This feeling of liberation. Finishing algebra homework and moving on to English. After much delay, finally getting something done. Stressful finals over and you take it easy. Breathing softly for a second and moving on to something else that makes you hold your breath._

Chapter 4: Getting Somewhere

Kagura's POV

I convinced myself that I was sick so I took six tablets of _Advil _within the past hour.

I feel angry.

That's how I can describe it. That's my sickness.

What puzzles me is that no one else knows how near death angry I am. I screamed in my pillow till I felt light headed. And yet strangers smiled at me on the street. I was so angry that I cried and then laughed. Laughed insanely at the world, human nature, every bit of it. Then when I wiped my tears away, I went back to join it. And despite that anger, people still stopped for common chats and favors.

Why? Can't they see how mad I am? That I don't want to be approached?

What do I have to do? Before they open their mouths spit in their face?

But regardless of anything I do or what friendly strangers have to say, I'm in a dangerous mood.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV 

I don't like this game. This game of tag, cat and mouse, 'catch me of you can'

What she's doing is childish; I've been trying to contact her for a week, and this _girl_, this _child_, Kagura, has been doing everything she can to avoid me.

This is rather exasperating. It's like being an inch form the finish line, and right when you're supposed to step over it, someone pulls you an inch back. So you're not getting anywhere, again, again and again.

I want to get somewhere. She's not thinking logically. The longer she evades me, the longer I'm 'tormenting' her life.

But never the less, game over. I'm going to Kagura's place. And if she's not home, I'll _wait _there till I see her. I'm going to do my job. And for the sake of whoever crosses me, I'm not in a paramount mood.

* * *

Kagura's POV 

This is my day off. Senji's asleep and I feel like im getting some sort of mercy. I'm relaxing with half lidded eyes on the couch _trying _to simmer down this undirected anger.

The house is clean. I didn't need her to, but Karu cleaned the house while babysitting. Like I was a child, she told me she had nothing better to do, Senji was so good. But I know she's trying to help out.

Karu really is remarkable.

_Knock Knock_

What? I'm not expecting anyone. As I get up to answer it I think: _Is it Karu? No, I'm not expecting her today at all. Someone from work? Not likely. Mail Man? No, it's a Sunday._

Who... Wait, could it be-

Too late, my hand has already reached the door and it stands open.

"Good afternoon, Kagura. Been awhile."

* * *

Sesshomaru POV 

Finally, this was getting annoying. She opens the door and her surprised expression makes me smirk.

"Good afternoon Kagura. Been awhile." I say petulantly.

"And here I thought you forgotten about me." She says in a similar tone.

"You know why I'm here."

"Yeah." Was her short reply as she tries to shut the door and I stick my foot in to stop it.

"Thanks to you, this case has been set back farther then it was supposed to. You work with me now, and I'll be gone soon."

She seats me inside and this fake cooperation seems to keep us form showing how irritable we really are.

But of course, this is gonna end soon too.

* * *

Kagura POV 

Just put up with this now, and it'll all be over soon.

We sit down on the couch.

He begins, "Alright, so you live here alone with your son?"

"You catch on fast."

He writes something down.

"And you're the only source of income?"

I can tell he doesn't want to do this anymore then I do.

But his presence here, his threatening presence to take everything I worked for away, is too much.

I glare at him deadly for this thought.

"Do I offend?" He asks bored.

Argh...this cockiness, his coldness, he really could take it all away without a care in the world.

"You know what? I don't need this anymore then you do, so why don't you just take your little clip board, sign the 'okay' and be on your way?"

He completely ignores me.

"Where are you currently employed?"

"You don't have to be here."

"And what of your son's father?"

"You don't have to be here."

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV 

This girl in front of me is so stubborn.

I forget my curiosity or job for that matter.

All that I can think of is her childish game of tag she set me on for the past week. Not getting anything done.

And yet, she still proceeds to waste time.

She continues, "You wouldn't understand my life."

"Won't understand your life? You appear typical enough. Let me guess, you thought he loved you and now you're stuck with the mistake?"

Like a viper her hand shot up in an attempt to connect with my face. Surprisingly enough, freeing papers, I caught it just in time.

"Release me!" She grinds out.

"Just answer my questions." I say putting a firmer grip on her hand.

"You think insulting me will help?! You have no idea what I been through, and to think an ignorant ass like you comes here and judges me!"

"That was out of line." pause, "I'm here to-"

"You're here to what? Ha-ha, I know what you're all about. Just when things where starting too look good you come in here and try to take it all away. Well like hell im going to-"

Through her anger she remembers she has two hands and swings the other up to my face. Fast thinking, I also catch her thrashing hand.

If I hadn't done what I did next, it was unfathomable to when she would stop her expansive actions.

Yanking her forward by her detained hands, I cover my mouth with hers.

_TBC..._

_PLease R&R, it's nice to know you guys are out there. Your thoughts count _


	5. What It Was And So It Becomes

Thank you thank you everyone for your wonderful wish i could find a better word reviews! You guys always say the sweetest things, ah! I could babble on forever about you guys. Without further adeu, Chapter 5 ladies and gentlemen.

_It's just too early to decide anything yet, more like I can't see it. What will happen two years from now is unpredictable. For me, I'm not sure if I'll be the same person tomorrow. What's happens in the future is fickle. I'm going to just try to live now. This proves to be hard as I find out after all this running; my past is finally starting to catch up._

Chapter 5: What It Was and So It Becomes

Kagura's POV

I can feel it.

My face, flushed.

It felt like an eternity, but finally releasing my mouth he drops my captive hands and it feels like I'm falling in slow motion as I land gently, sinking into the corner of the couch.

My body rising slowly but heavily, _up and down, up and down_, trying to capture the air that he stole.

He looks me straight in the eye, in a husky voice, "I want _breath_ an agreement."

And we stare at each other, breathing like there's bricks on our chest.

As gold meets red, I solemnly nod my head in an agreement.

I don't know how long this will last or if it will go away in five minutes from now, but, at this second, we seem to be on the same page

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV 

I can't decide which one of us is more surprised.

But after I let her go, tolerance was transmitted to one another and she agrees to my proposal of some sort of compromise.

Now that it's like this, im not CPS' Taisho, Sesshomaru, I'm simply Sesshomaru. And this girl, isn't just another routine case, she is Kaze, Kagura.

It feels like two lone strangers sitting on a bench waiting for a late bus.

As just Sesshomaru, I couldn't phantom the appropriate words to start with.

I start to think, but she saves me the trouble.

* * *

Kagura's POV 

I don't mind it. Just talking.

It's really been awhile. My mind says that it's okay, for now, to express needed words to someone other then itself.

His silence gave me the chance.

"My name is Kaze, Kagura, 19-years-old. I was born in Kyoto. I have one son, Yuki, Senji. I live here alone with him. I'm currently working as a waitress at Suboshi Amboshi Borough. Korowai, Karu watches over Senji since I came here, 5 months ago, Tuesday-Friday from 9-6pm."

I let this information slide out of my mouth slow and smooth.

Reviewing it over in my head as I think about what's not even the outer shell to my life that I told him.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV 

I absorb every piece of information about herself that she tells me. All of it I find just leaves me with more questions.

Karu, Kagura and _Yuki_, Senji. 36 hours a week, meaning with early hours like that, she must have just got the job, which will increase. Karu, that's who watches over Senji during the week.

I know that the quicker you jump at a bird, the faster it will fly away.

I won't press questions.

Time, is something I have right now.

She stares at me, finished.

"May I see Senji?"

She looks a me, alarmed for a second, and then I continue, "If you couldn't tell from my profession, I'm fond of children."

She relaxes. Kagura stands and leads me into the same sky blue room where I first saw him.

In a white crib lays his small form. He's sleeping. Jet black downy hair. He must have been in sleep paralysis, for he opens his eyes and I remember he has extraordinary ice blue hues. His eyes made the sky blue walls pale in comparison.

He stares directly at me as if questioning my identity. Then he notices his mother, and as all babies will, he whines for her with stretched arms.

Kagura complies with the tiny infant and picks him up. I silently watch them and witness a scene which I assume can only be created with mother and child.

She notices my staring and in a shy voice that I haven't heard till now, "Would you like to...hold him?"

Without a word, I walk over and gently take this tiny being into my arms. His eyes were mesmerizing.

Watching me, I couldn't look away.

So soft and fragile. At this age, he could only rely on others to protect him. To keep him safe. And if they didn't, he...would...

"Argh!" With my one free hand I clutch my throbbing head.

Startled, Kagura ask, "Are you okay?!" quickly taking her child and putting him back into his crib.

I stumble out into the room and lean against the wall in the hall way. The sweep of pain ceases for now. I know it will be back if I don't leave here soon.

Kagura comes out flushed, "Are you okay?"

I breath and resume my posture, "Yes, just a slight headache. I'm going to take my leave."

She follows me to the door, as I turn to leave, she reaches her hands out and starts to fish through my pockets.

Finally she finds what she's looking for. My CPS badge.

Reading it over she looks up at me, "Next time you come, leave this at the door."

I nod at her pitch, take my badge back and seize my leave.

* * *

Kagura's POV 

Waiting

Wondering

And Waiting some more.

So many W's and what have my words suggested?

Which direction from here?

The start of something, that has an outcome as apparent as water specked glasses.

Fragments of what lye ahead.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV 

I needed to be here so here I am.

Walking in Izumi's office, she gives me a knowing smile.

"There's just no such thing as appointments with you is there? I'm just waiting for the day when you walk in during in during a break through with someone else.

Like being shot in the ER, conveniently, the pain sweeps through again in a massive wave and I grasp my head. Barely able to stand, with only the book case against the wall as support.

Izumi slides her chair out from behind her desk and into the open, still sitting with a calm voice she says "Come Sesshomaru."

All I can make out as I stumble toward her is arms reaching out to receive me.

I collapse in her lap and she strokes my exploding head.

"...My head..." I breathe out as she caresses her hands through my hair.

"...Make it stop..." I plead. And I know I'm not Taisho, Sesshomaru of CPS or Sesshomaru that Kagura, for some reason, confines in.

She continues to stroke my hair. Only she knows who I am right now.

"Sesshy," She says softly "When you wake up, let's go back. Let's go back, six years ago."

"...Wake...up?..." Another wave of electricity shoots through my head and before I can open my eyes fully again, I lay swooned in Izumi's arms.

_Tbc..._

_R&R please (: _


	6. Nothing's As It Seems

_Thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews and indulging yourselves in this drama_

Disclaimer: The followng opening passage is under: Copy Right 2007 composed my a personal friend of mine.

Chapter 6: Nothing's As it Seems

_"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill? You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."_

_- (a close friend)_

Sesshomaru's POV

I'm here yet others would say I am not. But I deem that the mind is absolute. So if I believe I'm here, the here I am...

I'm 9 years old.

Father is sitting on the great couch beside me, hands over mouth, nervous. I'm not sure why, but momma said I am to have a new baby brother or sister soon.

I don't want it. Father says that my older brother instinct will kick in right when I lay eyes on this new extension of the family. He says once I see him or her, I'll never want to let'm go.

Doubt it.

"Eighteen hours...," I can hear dad mumble. Mom is in something called labor. It's when the baby refuses to come out and you have to force it to join the world or something like that.

We're in our home. Mom says she feels most comfortable giving birth to a child where it will be raised. She says she's not raising her child in a cramp hospital room so that's why I was born here. And now, my new brother or sister will be born in this big house too.

I hear noises down the hall. Noise that I never heard a person make before. I asked dad if they where hurting her but he just gave me a smile and rested his hand on my head for a bit.

I fell asleep a few times and thought about how momma taught me how to hold a baby.

I got to miss school and I get to miss tomorrow too, so I guess...this new baby can't be that bad.

A noise comes from down the hall. At first I think it's a Shinigami. It has to be. What else could make such a loud wailing sound?

No wait, it can't be. Momma says that a Shinigami will only come if I misbehave; I've done nothing wrong.

Father perks up, he hurriedly gets up taking my hand and I feel like I'm flying down the hall.

Right when we get to the door it opens and the doctor- with a serious face- gently pushes my father's chest back as he tells him words I can't understand.

As the door closes again, from behind my father's leg, I see my mother's head against a white pillow on the tatami mat. It looks like someone threw a bucket of water on her. Her dark long hair was spread around her like a lion's mane.

For a moment, her brown eyes find mine and the door is shut. Father's angry fist hits the door and he slowly slides it back down to his side.

He rests his head there for awhile.

He sits on the old bench that used to belong to grandma; it's across from the door. His head is down and resting on his two almost closed hands. I can't see his face. The silver hair that he gave me covers it.

I sit on the bench too.

Dad's knee is shaking.

I clutch the under part of the bench swinging my leg as I take time watching dad's feet and the clock.

I don't know how long it was.

But finally, the door opens again.

It's the midwife. The same one who birthed me. She has a bundle in her arms and, are there tears in her eyes?

Father's head whips up right when the door opened.

The doctor stands behind her wiping his hands on what I think used to be a white cloth.

Dad gets up from sitting on the bench and the adults now look like giants_. "...Hemorrhage...nothing else we could've done for her...healthy little...sorry" _

Then father pushes past the doctor roughly and doesn't even glace at the bundle in the midwife's arms.

She comes up to me and kneels down to eye level, "Oh Sesshomaru," she starts. I'm looking past her into the room where the doctor stepped out.

Father is crouched over mother crying. There's a white cloth on her face. The only thing I catch from the midwife were apologies as best as a chocked up person can make them.

She's giving me a questing look with her hands out. She holds out my new...sister. I snap my attention back to her and remember what momma said about holding a baby.

I support her head with one hand and gently take the other around her small body.

I walk past the midwife and she tries to hold me back.

I slowly walk into to room.

There is red, on the sheets and on momma's legs, the source of this red river came from between them.

My great, tall, strong, father is over her body, clutching her and repeating her name, over and over.

I sit down slowly on the other side of her. And father's red, tear stained eyes dart up to me and then he looks at my baby sister, his new baby and back down to mom.

I can't. Something won't let me. My mother...momma...she's...

I can't cry.

I scootch back against the wall and watch my parents, who I know, will be my parents forever and never again.

For the first time I look down at my baby sister. 'Rin,' as the midwife babbled to me, I remember she said momma named her 'Rin.'

For the first time I look down at my new baby sister Rin who isn't making as much noise as when she first came into this world a few hours before.

She stares at me with big brown eyes.

"_The minute you look at your new sibling, your older brother instincts will kick in and you'll never let that go." _

I doubted father at first when he told me that.

Then in a quiet voice, over my father's despair, I told her, "You know, it's weird. Before I even met you, the first thing I heard was your wailing little voice."

I lean over so that my hair is curtains covering us from everything and all noise and I whisper, "I'm your big brother, Sesshomaru."

* * *

Kagura's POV 

We're riding on the train and I'm covering the sun with my left hand.

This is nice. This is what I like to do.

I'm thinking about just about everything.

Senji is on my free arm starring at me as I think.

I think he prefers my quiet solemn face versus all the other faces and noises momma can make.

A ray of this sun that hints that winter isn't forever contrast with Senji's eyes making them brilliant.

I talk about his eyes a lot. I know.

His eyes are my constant reminder; a blessing and a burden.

I think I'm doing rather well considering circumstances.

All the high school awareness video's that say, "Don't let this be you," weren't nearly as dramatic as letting that person really be you.

One door opens and another closes. That's my life and I assume its how everyone else's lives are too.

I remember when I was little, and I used to think that this old blue and white building was New York City. Well of course now I know that that old building is just a mere hotel.

But when I was younger, it was The Big Apple'

I kinda' miss that. Being young, being naive. Things were easier that way. But I also think about all the hard things I had to go through as a child.

Getting an F on a test, forgetting to feed a pet I claimed to love, making mistakes that gave important lessons.

No, I don't want to go back to that. Those parts of my life are over.

Before sitting here on our way home, Senji and I went on a date.

It was amazing. We went to bookstore and stayed there for a couple of hours. Reading books and deciding which ones to buy. And I realized that you don't always need someone to give you a second opinion when your about to do something.

So, I bought two books.

And for the first time I walked outside, this time as a young woman and her son, without being afraid. I wrapped my jacket around us in the shifty weather and that's all the protection we needed.

I went and bought some food and Senji and I charmed each other with our antics.

It was a very pleasant date.

I couldn't imagine spending my days off any other way.

I don't know...doing things that are expected bother me. It lacks entertainment and a good read.

It's like your life has to be played out just like the lives of many people before you. Go to school, make good grades, work for a well paying job, get married, have kids, die.

And the vicious cycle is repeated.

A frail girl isn't supposed to go out at night without someone else or some sort of weapon.

Im tired of being afraid. And im tired of doing what's expected. And im tired of second opinions that are voiced all the time.

Today, the world is ours. Yes, it is ours, my _nineteen-year-old self_ and my _son_.

It's some sort of freedom. And I know I'm an optimist.

If I could be reborn again, I know just what I'll be and what kind of life I would lead.

I would be Kaze, Kagura, not one second changed.

Because although everything was and isn't perfect in my life, the unexpected and unplanned make it interesting.

That's the good read.

Regardless of how I feel about my life. I can't say other people feel the same way about it.

My child never smiles.

* * *

Sesshomaru's POV 

I gasp for air and quickly lift my head off of Izumi's lap, "That's enough."

As for anything I happen to do in front of her, Izumi's calm and not the least fit frayed.

Putting her arms neatly in her lap, she says, "Is that as far as we're going to go today Sesshy?"

Shesshy. That name is nostalgic.

"That's Sesshomaru."

Knowingly she replies, "Yes, yes it is."

* * *

_Tbc..._

_Please R&R (:_


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